Editor’s Note: The Lavender Letters, a monthly series, is a collection of open letters written by members of Ole Miss’ queer community highlighting the many joys and hardships that come with being a member of the LGBTQ+ community in the South — and in particular on this campus. If you are interested in writing one, email Mary Boyte, news editor, at thedmnews@gmail.com.
My first kiss was on top of the parking garage on campus. I was 22 years old at the time. She shocked me when she kissed me.
It was a brisk October evening. We had just started dating. She was struggling because she had just come out to her parents. They were not too thrilled that I was her girlfriend.
From our vantage point, we could see the entire world. The trees towered over every street, sidewalk and building. They shielded us from the view of the public. We saw a few cars speeding down the curvy roads on campus. We saw the stars glittering against the deep purple of the nightfall.
We saw the whole world. It wasn’t just good or bad. It was a bit of both. It was ours to create.
When we stood on top of the world, we had a better understanding. Nothing could be categorized, controlled or predicted. It just was.
It wasn’t glamorous all the time. Under the street lights, there were dumpsters. There was the occasional odd worn-down building in the shadows. Not every street was Sorority Row.
Everything existed in harmony. There was a James Merideth Statue as well as a Confederate grave site. There was the actual library and a bar named the Library. There were professors who would rally behind us and students that were willing to tell us that they don’t support us to our faces. There was my girlfriend, heartbroken that her family rejected her and me, holding her hand.
It was important to acknowledge both the good and the evil. We can’t ever forget where we came from or we might have made the same mistakes as our ancestors.
The hope of humankind is that when one love fails, a stronger one will take its place. That isn’t always the case. However, at that moment, it was.
My heart was lost in her shiny eyes. I was swimming in it. I didn’t notice when she leaned forward. This is how my first kiss would happen. All my life I had pictured it. I hadn’t pictured it would be here! I hadn’t pictured it would be like this! I hadn’t pictured it to be with a woman!
There we were, changing our lives. We showed the night air of Oxford, that we were present, we were queer and we had found love in one another.
That’s what it means to be queer on this campus. It means feeling safe enough to be able to share sweet moments with those you love. There will always be that strange mix of acceptance and rejection. As long as the environment makes it safe to do so, progress will happen naturally. That is the truth of Ole Miss.
