The generation that grew up in an era of iconic romance movies like “A Walk to Remember” and “The Notebook” might assume that the all-consuming love depicted in these stories is representative of the romantic relationships young people aim to cultivate. However, some students at the University of Mississippi believe this to be far from the truth.
“No one is looking for anything serious. Everyone just wants to hang out,” Cheyann Jordhamo, a sophomore pre-pharmacy major, said. “I think it is our generation as a whole, but I also think being at a big SEC party school, people just want to have fun.”
Many students have swapped the classic “Notebook” love story for what is growing to be notoriously known as a “situationship.” There are countless opinions on what exactly a situationship is, but this intrapersonal connection is defined by its ambiguity.
According to Jordhamo, situationships are not an endeavor for the faint of heart.
“I would define a situationship as stressful. It is basically just two people hanging out until someone catches feelings, and then it is done,” Jordhamo said. “When one person catches feelings and the other does not, it becomes ‘I don’t want a relationship, so let’s just end this here.’”
While some, like Jordhamo, view the vagueness of a situationship as a nuisance, others enjoy the idea of a less restricting connection.
“I feel like the ambiguity of situationships leads to more prompted conversations or open dialogue of ‘How do you feel about this? What do you see us as?’” Elle Lockard, a junior English major, said. “It makes people more willing to talk about how they view the relationship that they’re continuing to be involved in.”
Lockard believes that the lack of labels within situationships means more opportunities for personal development and establishing what an individual wants in a partner, as opposed to just accepting what a suitor brings to the table.
“I feel like there’s a lot of important independent growth that needs to come from evaluating what you want and what you need in a person, because what you want and what you need in a person are not always the same thing, even though we all want it to be,” Lockard said.
While Lockard and her boyfriend met each other in-person, she also respects the approach many take by turning to dating apps.
“I don’t think that there’s anything in regards to the validity of the relationships that gets decreased by talking on dating apps,” Lockard said. “I think it puts so many different types of people in front of you looking for different things that it is almost overwhelming.”
Sophomore chemistry major Maranda Bullard met her boyfriend on Tinder.
“Although unconventional, I think (dating apps) are a great way to meet people, and sometimes it works out,” Bullard said. “Although for my situation, it took a while for us to actually hang out, but it was totally worth it.”
There is much stigma surrounding the use of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and others that are branded as being “designed to be deleted.”
“A lot of dating apps have become more hookup-based, but I do recommend them. They work. I do think some (people) are not suited for them, but I think it is just (dependent upon) what they want and are looking for,” Bullard said.
While Lockard warned about the overwhelming nature of dating apps and Bullard testified to their effectiveness, people searching for relationships in the LGBTQ community find even less solace in swiping.
“I’ve looked at my friends’ Tinders before, and you can scroll endlessly, but when you’re on same-sex Tinder, you’ll notice that you can swipe for three minutes and you will run out of people within a 20-mile radius very, very quickly,” junior biology major Colin Gordy said.
Situationships are prevalent in Oxford’s gay community.
“Something else that is present would be DL boys” Gordy said.
DL, short for down-low, is a term used to describe individuals, typically men, who are not public with their attraction to members of the same sex.
“I don’t know if that term is commonly used outside of the community, but situationship isn’t something I would use to describe a relationship between an openly gay person and a DL person here,” Gordy said.
Gordy takes a negative view of situationships, considering them a result of social media gamifying romance.
“I don’t think that situationships are a natural part of human connection. It is something we have fabricated as a result of having access to billions of people across the world through social media and dating apps,” Gordy said. “Social media and dating apps have turned dating and genuine human connection into a game.”
